IAMM: Because of Him

Today has been a really rough day. Z woke up before me and when I found him he was in the basement watching cartoons and eating his way through sprinkles. I don't care too much about the sprinkles, but starting the day with pure sugar is NOT good for this child!

He was bouncing off the walls and acting crazy when my visiting teachers came. I took him to the park to get energy out and he ended up pooping his pants (he realized too late and couldn't hold it in when he started running for home with the urge).

I sent him outside to play after lunch so I could work on making dinner for a family in our ward who just had a baby. He came in and told me there were big holes in the trampoline. What? I went outside to see what he was talking about, and there are big holes...because he took a pair of garden shears and hacked away at it.

I was so so mad. I spanked his bum and put him in his room. I called Lance and made him talk to Z because I was seriously seeing RED. I was so upset and couldn't stop sobbing. Why would he do something so destructive? 

I called my neighbor and asked her to come sit with the boys so I could leave for a few minutes. I needed to distance myself from the situation and from Z.

As I drove around I prayed my little heart out. It wasn't even coherent, but every emotion I've been feeling spilled over. "Please help me not to be mad", "Please help me to parent with love and use this experience to teach" "Please help me to not feel like a terrible parent" "Please help me not to beat myself up" "Please help me to know how to handle this"
As an infertile person, I tend to feel every tough parenting moment extra hard. Every time Z does something naughty and I lose my temper I immediately think things like, "No wonder we can't have kids". The thing is that I know everyone has rough parenting moments, but I can't help but blame myself or feel like it's my fault or something I've failed at every time Z makes mistakes (and let's face it, the kid is a mischief maker so these thoughts are very common!) I know it's ridiculous but I can't seem to get rid of this nagging, and it's always heightened when we're trying to adopt.
As I was driving I felt all of those emotions a hundred times over. Complete and utter failure and despair. So I prayed, and cried, and drove.

Then I came home and watched this movie.

And remembered that because of Him I can forgive. Because of Him I can start over. Because of Him I have two miracles, and even though I am not a perfect parent, I can be a little bit better one each day Because of Him!

I am so thankful for this message and tender mercy today. {Deep breath} It will all be okay!


Friday five

1- I have to brag about my handsome hubby today. Lance is seriously the hardest worker I know! Work has been insane lately with many, many long days and lots of extra Saturdays. Lance never complains despite the fact that he's been living on an average if six hours of sleep/ night for over a year! And on top of that he still comes home and plants trees, refinishes the deck, helps with laundry and cooking... He is superman. All of his hard work is paying off because he just earned a great yearly raise, and then he got a promotion with another raise. I am proud of him and thankful for how hard he works for us. And he still takes time to be a great dad and husband! I love you Lance.

2- Speaking of the deck, what a project!! With the beautiful weather this week we finally started with some deck-over yesterday. It's taking forever, but it looks nicer and hopefully will eliminate splinters and help the deck to last a few more years while we save to replace the dang thing! You can sort of see the difference here... the rails are painted but we still need to do the floor and stairs and then do a second coat, phew!

3- We planted our peach tree this week! We plant something every year for Ty's birthday because he was born on earth day. I hope it grows so we'll have a delicious treat in a few years!! Z and Ty were cute little helpers. Our yard is slowly, very slowly improving. With projects each year we're hoping to really make it nice someday. This year we'll be leveling the side yard on the east side of the house (thanks to new neighbors who hate their sloping back yard) and leveling the ground and laying sod around the trampoline to eliminate the massive mud pit that Z loves to smear all over the trampoline and fence. I am excited to have less dirt tracked through my house all summer:)

4- I am getting so excited for Easter! We are picking out a family to deliver a basket too and I can't wait to go shopping! This year for the boys we're going to focus more on Christ and do Jesus baskets, an idea I read about here!   Tonight Lance and I are going to shop for the boys' Easter Sunday outfit-- I was actually able to find a dress for myself last week (so excited!) so I am hoping to find something matching for the boys and Lance...I'll make sure to take an adorably cheesy matchy-matchy picture!

5- I switched Ty back to a toddler bed. It's going pretty well at night, he's very obedient so I just leave his door open and tell him to stay in his bed (it really is amazing to me to have a child who does what I ask, because Z never has!) He is however, struggling with naps. It's led to some funny dinners with Ty falling asleep in his plate! Gosh he is so darn cute!


IAMM: modern-day prophets and restoration

In the Spring of 1820 a young boy, Joseph Smith, knelt in a grove of trees to pray for an answer to a question that was causing him tremendous stress. His question? Of all the churches available for him to join which was the one God would have him choose? God the Father and Jesus Christ appeared to Joseph Smith and told him not to join any of the churches and then proceeded to explain that he would be directed in restoring Christ's true and complete gospel to the earth. Ten years later, on April 6, 1830, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints was organized. Because of that fervent prayer, God restored his pure gospel in it's entirety, restoring parts that had been missing since Christ's apostles were on the earth. Since  that day we once again have prophets and revelation on the earth.

 It is such a comfort to me to know that in these scary and difficult days we do have direction from a loving Heavenly Father. Not only through our prophets to lead the church, but also for ourselves to guide us in our individual lives and decisions. What is even more awesome is that every six months we can spend an entire weekend listening to messages from those prophets to help better our lives!

This past weekend was General Conference. Every six months we have the opportunity to be uplifted and inspired, guided and directed. Once again, I have come out of conference feeling bolstered spiritually, and determined to try and be a better person! Here are some of my favorite talks from this weekend (it would only let me post one video). It was really hard to choose, because as usual they were all so inspiring! If you would like to watch them all (which I highly recommend) GO HERE.

Elder Anderson
Elder Zwick
Elder Nelson
Elder Bednar
Elder Aidukaitis


Friday five

1- Occasionally I'll ask Ty if he wants to go potty on the toilet. Usually he scrunches up his forehead and adamantly says, "NO!" Lately he's been saying "yeesh" though, and today I'm letting him run around in unders. Are we potty training? No way! I will probably put a diaper on at his first accident. I still don't think he's quite ready, but it makes me giggle to see that cute little bum and those chubby legs running around! :) His talking is really exploding these past few weeks and he is such a delight!

2- Our stake had a mother daughter dinner/devotional with Hillary Weeks. It was such a blast, and so inspirational. I felt like her message was exactly what I needed to hear. As per her instructions I created a phrase that I repeat to myself whenever I remember to. I chose: "You are a valiant, beautiful, kind, intelligent, worthy daughter of God." It is amazing how much thinking about those things helps me feel happier and act more kind and loving. It was really a great night, and I was excited to get my first picture with a "famo" (famous Mormon, lol).

3- I signed Z up for 'Let's Play Music' in the fall. It is this amazing three-year program that teaches music through games and some unique songs. By the end of the program Z should be able to read music, be an intermediate level piano player, and numerous other things. We went and previewed a class yesterday and Z loved it! It was so much fun and I am so excited!

4- I started half marathon training last week. I decided to do an advanced program since this is half #9 and I really want to get a new PR. So far it's going well! I have a nine mile run today which will be good since it's finally nice outside again. My goal for this race is to be under 1:45:00 (about an eight minute mile). I am also using this race as training for a marathon in September where I hope to qualify for Boston!

5- We went to a convert baptism in our ward last Saturday. The service was amazing and the Spirit was so strong! As the closing hymn we sang "I Am a Child of God" and Z was the loudest singer in the room. It was adorable and everyone commented on how beautiful he sings and how well he knows that song. It made me happy. I love that it is his favorite song and I love how much he loves to sing! I hope he always stays that way.

6- Bonus! My boys looove coconut oil, especially Z. They'll eat it by the spoonful. I like it in things but eating it plain makes me gag so I cringe watching them!


A night out with my boys

A month or so ago we found a fun place, Jeff's hot rod diner. The food actually wasn't super great, but Z enjoyed ordering from a phone at the table and it had a cute, small-town feel. I love random outings with my boys, I am a lucky lady!